Missing him
by Franglitters
Summary: Fili and Kili have survived the battle but their uncle may not make it. This is a story on how FIli and Kili cope with their uncle's death. Durin family feels. Probably a two-shot. T for character death.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi! So this idea has been on my mind for a while and I had to get it out. This is basically what I think could have happened if Fili and Kili had survived the battle of the five armies but Thorin did not. I'm breaking my own heart writing this because I want all three to survive but I wanted to use a quote I had in here and it seemed to fit Fili begging Thorin to stay alive. Please understand this is a Thorin&amp;Fili&amp;Kili family story with Durin family feels and I do hate this concept of Fili and Kili living without Thorin, but I really had to get this idea out!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit. All rights belong to J.R.R Tolkien **

The battle had been won. Azog the defiler had been killed and the rest of the orcs and goblins either slain or had fled. Fili had survived the fight and while returning to the now conquered mountain was searching for his brother. He was only starting to make his way down from the icy tower in which he had spent most of the fight when he saw the dark haired dwarf that was his younger brother looking in the surrounding area.

"Kili," Fili called out. His voice was filled with relief and hope and Kili turned quickly and smiled brightly when seeing his brother.

"Fili," he cried and out and quickly ran to his brother. The two embraced tightly.

"I'm so glad you're ok." Fili murmured and then pulled back slightly to look Kili straight in the eye. "You are ok, right?"

"Yes brother," Kili said with a grin. "You and I are both fine," the two brothers hugged tightly again.

"Have you seen Thorin?" Fili asked his brother, his focus turning to his beloved uncle, now he knew Kili was fine. Kili's face fell.

"No. I was looking for him and you just now. I haven't seen him yet," Kili said worriedly looking up into Fili's face. Fili felt a small amount of panic flare up inside him but he settled it down firmly.

"I'm sure he's fine Kili." His words brought little comfort to Kili who was biting his lip, his eyes darting around anxiously.

"Why don't you start to make your way back to Erebor? I'm sure he would have headed there as soon as possible. I will take a last look around here in case he's looking for us and then join you later." Fili said firmly. Kili nodded a small smile gracing his lips before giving Fili one more hug and heading down the tower.

Fili turned around and walked in the opposite direction back to the centre of the tower. Fili was relieved to have survived and even more relieved to find his brother in one piece and yet he felt something gnawing at him. Where was Thorin? He knew he was probably being stupid, worrying like this when Thorin was most likely back in Erebor by now safe and sound, but he couldn't help it. For Fili's whole life Thorin had been his father figure. His own real father hadn't been around much and did not seem much interested in Fili, more in Dis, and so Thorin had come in and become the man who raised, played with, trained and loved Fili. Both Fili and Kili saw Thorin as their father in all but blood. Thorin loved them unconditionally and Fili and Kili gladly returned the same feelings. And so Fili couldn't help but worry when there was a small chance his uncle hadn't survived the battle. He took a few calming breaths but choked on them when he looked at the icy waterfall. He could just make out the pale body of Azog, almost invisible on the white ice and about 10 metres away from him there was another body. Even at a distance Fili recognised the dwarf as his uncle. He could feel himself going numb and he felt his brain slowing down and yet somehow his feet were pulling him closer to the dwarf lying by the edge of the frozen waterfall.

As he approached the older dwarf he shook but he suddenly froze when something caught his eye. He thought he had seen Thorin's foot twitch. He narrowed his eyes on the dwarf and- _yes. _His chest was slowly moving up and down. Fili sagged as he let out a sigh of relief. He ran the last few steps and dropped to his knees beside Thorin.

"Uncle," Fili called out to Thorin who had his eyes closed. But they were soon opened as the King heard his name called. Thorin looked around and his eyes rested on his nephew leaning over him concern on his face.

"Fili," Thorin said before coughing harshly. He took a rattling breath as he stared into his nephew's face.

"Shh Uncle. Don't speak. I'm going to get you to safety." Fili said stroking Thorin's hair out of his face. Thorin shook his head.

"You can't Fili. I am too broken. I have been wounded where I cannot heal. I can hear the call of my maker," Thorin said softly and his eyes started to close.

"No. NO," Fili yelled shaking Thorin slightly. Thorin opened his eyes once more.

"There's nothing you can do for me Fili," he said.

"You are not leaving me," Fili said anger lacing his voice.

"I can't stay," Thorin responded quietly.

"But I love you," Fili's voice broke as a tear made its way down his face.

"I love you," Thorin said quickly.

"Don't say it like you're saying goodbye,"

"I love you in every way that I can. And I'll miss you the most. I'll miss the future I might have had with you," Thorin said smiling sadly up at his nephew wincing at the pain that came from his chest.

"You're willing to sacrifice that?" Fili asked desperately to the dwarf who had raised him his whole life.

Thorin took a sharp breath as he accidently jolted his wound.

"Sometimes we have to make sacrifices," he said through gritted teeth. He closed his eyes for a moment and saw Erebor. He saw Fili on the throne of the kingdom with Kili by his side. Yes, his death was worth the future his nephews would get. "Tell your brother I love him. Tell him I said goodbye." Thorin said opening his eyes again to meet Fili's. Fili nodded numbly but he still would believe his uncle would die.

Thorin raised his hand to rest on Fili's cheek.

"So long, my Prince. We shall meet again in many, many years when you are old and grey and have lived a long and happy life."

"No, you can't go Uncle. I won't be happy without you," Fili cut across desperately tears streaming down his face.

"I will always be with you my dear nephew. I will always be watching over you and will be with you forever. I love you my little one. You are my heart and soul. My Fili." And after speaking his last words looking into the face of Fili, Thorin Oakenshield came to rest.

"No. Oh Uncle." Fili whispered before letting out a sob. Tears streamed down the golden haired dwarf's face as he clung to the lifeless body of his uncle.

An hour passed before anyone came. After searching unsuccessfully through the main passages of Erebor for Thorin and then finding his brother had not returned to the mountain Kili sent out a search party to the tower to see where the two older dwarfs were. The party consisted of Dwalin, Gloin and Oin who let out shocked gasps when they found their King dead and his heir sobbing and clinging protectively over his corpse. The three older dwarfs slowly approached the younger one and tried to pull him away from the body of Thorin.

"NO, NO, NO," Fili cried angrily as he felt himself being taken away from his uncle. He gripped the body of Thorin harder refusing to let go. Eventually after sharing a few looks Dwalin, Oin and Gloin made their way about lifting both Fili and Thorin and carrying them down the tower.

As they reached the mountain Kili ran up. Terror was on his face as he saw his brother being carried by the three dwarfs but was relieved to see him moving and unharmed. Then his eyes fell on the body Fili clung too as the two dwarfs were gently put on the ground. There was a moment of silence before the area of the lonely mountain was filled with a scream. It was a scream of anger, hurt, disbelief, broken-hearted, pain but mostly utter and gut-wrenching sadness. Kili dropped to the side of Thorin that Fili was not occupying and gripped his uncle's hand tightly, praying for him to come back.

And others watched on as the two heirs and nephews of Thorin Oakensheild wept at his body mourning the loss of their beloved uncle.

**Also I used a quote in here: "You are not leaving me…Sometimes we have to make sacrifices." Which I do not own. I think I will make a second chapter set maybe a month after the funeral of how Fili is dealing with the death (I have another quote lined up that I'm bursting to use) but please leave a review with what you think :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi! Thanks for the feedback on chapter 1! Here is part two. I hope you enjoy it.**

**I also used some more quotes I don't own in this story. There are a couple of **_**Glee **_**quotes (I'm sorry) from 'The Quarterback' episode and I kept imagining Fili saying them if Thorin had died. Please leave a review.**

**Oh, and if go on YouTube and search for 'Free audio I'm going to spend my entire life missing him' and listen to the first link you might understand it better/ how it's said. I almost cried when I listened to it for the first time. Just imagine Fili saying it while mourning Thorin!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit. All rights belong to J.R.R Tolkien **

It was a month to the day that Thorin Oakenshield had fallen.

It had been many hours before his body had been moved from the arms of Fili and Kili who had eventually collapsed exhausted, their grief and the length of the battle finally catching up to them. They had been carried from the battlefield into the healing rooms of Erebor and nursed back to health. Thorin had been carried to the great hall and laid in an old tomb made of stone.

Thorin's funeral had taken place a week later. The company of course was there, as well as Dain and his surviving warriors. Many men of Lake Town including Bard had also come to pay their respects and offer their prayers to the fallen King. Although many tears were spilled at the funeral none came from Fili's eyes. He held his brother who sobbed into his shoulder but Fili only stood staring at the now lifeless face of his uncle, his own face blank of any emotion.

Fili's coronation took place the next day.

The dwarf prince accepted the throne and wore his crown but with no smile. His speeches were absent of any spirit and his eyes contained none of the sparkle they usually held.

Kili was a mess at the start. He wouldn't smile and would spend a lot of time clinging to his brother tears in his eyes. But he got better. More dwarfs arrived at the mountain. He began talking to both old and new faces. He spent time with lots of them and slowly his trademark grin made its way back onto his face. He began to laugh again and sleep at night without waking up and crying for his both his uncle and brother.

But while Kili improved his older brother did not.

Fili would eat and sleep and wash. He would attend council meetings and fulfil his duties as King. He would do what he must but he was not happy. He did not smile or laugh he hardly spoke to anyone. Balin, worried for his King, got dwarfs ranging from members of the company to Dain to talk to Fili and Fili talked back but it did not help him. He answered as little as possible and most of the time the dwarfs would give up.

It was on the day that marked a month since Thorin's death that Balin had had enough.

The old dwarf was standing on a balcony cut out of the rock that over looked the land the mountain stood over. He could see the merry flags of dale flapping in the wind and the dwarfish market below him – dwarfs and men walking to and from each place. He noticed a movement to his left from the corner of his eye and turned to see Fili ascending some steps. _They were steps that led from the burial chamber_ thought Balin grimly.

"Good morning King Fili," Balin said trying to put joy into his voice. Fili nodded in response and stood next to Balin to join him looking over the land. They stood in silence. Balin glanced at Fili who was looking down upon the market below with sad eyes. Suddenly Balin couldn't take it anymore.

"Fili you have to stop this," Balin called out loudly. Fili jumped at the sudden outburst and looked at Blin before turning away.

"Please don't-" Fili began quietly but Balin grabbed him to stop him going away and pulled him around to face him.

"No. Fili this is not you. You are a shell of who you once were since the battle. You're walking around as if nothing will ever be good again-"

"It won't" Fili interrupted

"Yes it will," said Balin sternly. He calmed down slightly to talk in a softer tone. "Listen Fili. I know you are still upset over Thorin's death," Fili shut his eyes when Thorin's name was mentioned "and I know you will always be sad about it, but it's been a month. You have a life to live and duties to fulfil. Your people need a King who is happy to be the King. You need to tell someone what's going on in your head and then you will feel better." Balin finished. Fili slowly turned to look back down to the market where both dwarfs could just make out Kili walking around the stalls with a group of friends laughing about something. "Kili has found happiness again. Why can't you?" Balin asked softly. Fili stood for several moments and Balin was about to leave when the King spoke.

"I see Kili," Fili began looking at his younger brother below him "and I see him smile. Although I'm thankful he is happy once more I always wonder 'how does he wake up every day?' Because sometimes I wish that I won't wake up." Fili voice cracked slightly and his breathing started to quicken as he fought to hold back tears. Blain went to go forward to comfort him but Fili straightened himself up and shook the old dwarf off him "But you do wake up," he said slowly "and for just a second, you forget. And then, oh you remember," Fili whispered. "I was there when he died Balin. He spoke his last words to me and I felt him go limp. I saw the light leave his eyes," Fili got out before slumping onto the balcony stone railing and letting out a broken wail. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. The tears and emotions he had been caging in for a month finally realising themselves. Balin froze quite stricken for a moment before moving forward to pat the golden haired dwarf on the back.

"It's ok, Fili," Balin said comfortingly. Fili shook his head that was still in his hands.

"It's not," Fili replied. He raised his head and stood up straight, his hands shaking by his side. "You and everyone else keeps asking me 'how are you feeling?' 'What are you feeling?' I have no answers Balin." Fili said looking out across his kingdom.

"I'm going to spend my entire life missing him," Fili said a tear streaming down his face.


End file.
